Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
