Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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