can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
