If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
