Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
