Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
