You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize