lets start a swedish sibling band together
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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