I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
