It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
