Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
