names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
