matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
