she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
