Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
