I got chris browned last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
