"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
