Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
