so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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