she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
