U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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