i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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