final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
