We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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