Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
do herpes really smell.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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