My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
