If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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