I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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