my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
