I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
