Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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