people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
