I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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