I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
