and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
