No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize