Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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