she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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