so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
