woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
