bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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