Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
