Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
