Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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