his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
