I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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