My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize