You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
