Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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