Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
