i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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