Even the bartender felt bad for me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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