Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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