About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
