I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
