ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
