im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize