my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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