There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize