i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
