I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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