You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
