wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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