Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
