and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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