just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
