Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
