lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
