I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
