My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
