I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize