If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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