im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
