sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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