Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How's work?
Spinning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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