my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
