i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
