Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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